On Becoming a Veteran

By Everett Cox

2010 is when I began to become a veteran. It was more than 40 years after I had returned to the United States from Viet Nam. Forty years of madness, nightmares, drug abuse, suicide attempts. 2010 is when I began to speak about it. And write about it. And cry. 40 years of tears coming out all at once. I am still becoming a vet. My first piece of writing as I started to embrace my identity as a veteran, that I share here, was an open letter to my brothers and sisters of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Though the numbers given derive from the original writing in 2010, my message and warning are still relevant to any warriors from any country and war struggling to return home after experiencing the horrors of combat and many difficulties of return.

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“Suicide monologue”. A testimony by Everett Cox

One steamy night, the summer of 1969, at Marble Mt. Air Base near Da Nang in Viet Nam, a rocket exploded near me and I died. There was screaming, explosions, dust, smoke, chaos; I had no torn flesh, no blood in the dust, but I died.

My flesh did not die but I had shattered. In death, I became a ghost. In life, a shadow. The ghost dominated the shadow. That domination has meant self-destructive behavior, an obsession with suicide and suicide attempts. Self destruction. Who, what is self? My body? My heart? My spirit? I had to destroy all that might be self. I had to destroy  self completely, my complete self, even though there was no complete me.

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Close Encounters in War: Testimonies and Autobiographical Essays

We present in this section a collection of testimonies and short essays from veterans, therapists, witnesses, practitioners and others who have experienced close encounters in war in person or through their work and connections.

Ivan Choopa: Crimes (April 3, 2024)

David Klein: Better You Than Me (March 3, 2024)

Lawrence Markworth: The Wall (February 1, 2024)

Edward Tick: Warrior Retreats on a Small Greek Island (December 5, 2023)

Everett Cox: What He Did Not Say Then (April 11, 2023)

Everett Cox: Suicide monologue (May 14, 2021)

David Klein: Soul Operation (February 24, 2021)

Kate Dahlstedt: Wave (December 27, 2020)

Thayer Greene: My “Close Encounters” in World War 2 Combat (December 27, 2020)

Pat Guariglia: From a U.S. Marine to His Vietnamese Counterparts, with an Introduction by Edward Tick (December 27, 2020)